About PJ

Meandering Trail Media is a multimedia company focusing on world-wide travel photography and publishing. PJ Adams, Meandering Trail Media's primary author, is a psychotherapist and best selling author who splits her time between California and Europe. Follow her on Twitter @PJAdams10Facebook, and YouTube.

For more information on Meandering Trail Media OR to schedule an interview or book signing, contact: Info@pjadamsbooks.com OR John Birkhead, PR Director, john.birkhead@pjadamsbooks.com,  +1 (760) 707-2577, Fax +1 949-258-8693.

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See the Intoxicating Greater Paris: Loire book trailer HERE. 

 

See the Intoxicating Southern France book trailer HERE 

See the Intoxicating Paris book trailer HERE     

         

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    PJ Adams

    PJ Adams is a psychotherapist and author in California.

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    Main | 99 Coffee Dates Debuts »
    Sunday
    Aug052018

    Dating Don'ts 101

    PJ Adams's book 99 Coffee Dates is about dating persistence. Miranda has to date plenty of frogs (like the couple pictured on the left) until she finally identifies her one and only. You too can cut the process of finding the right partner if you heed a few key ideas in your own dating adventure.

    #1. Remember Pareto's 80/20 Rule. Your date must deliver 80% of the time on what he/she says and does, commits to, and follows through on. If his or her track record is poor, don't waste any more time with the person.

    #2. Heed Red Flags. Chances are your gut will register red flags about someone before your brain does. Don't ignore gut signals and make excuses from your forgiving brain. Fish or cut bait fast, especially when dating.

    #3. Bend But Don't Break. You want to find someone who's about 80-85% compatible with you. If you have a lower percentage than that you are fooling yourself or pretending you like someone when you just want not to be alone. Pretending only gets you a pretend relationship. Be willing to say goodbye to one person in order to be ready to say hello to someone who's a better fit.

    #4. Tell the Truth. Many of us fib with new people because we want to be liked in order to be loved. But if you don't love yourself enough not to fib or embellish your attributes and accomplishments, you are a walking mass of untruths. Tell the truth to yourself first, and then it will flow naturally to everyone else you meet. Walk the talk, walk YOUR walk.

    #5. Post Real Photos. If you look like Blake Lively or Kerry Washington in your retouched online photo, don't be surprised when your date is aghast when the real you shows up looking like YOU. Certainly put on a good face but be real. Your date will get to know the real you soon enough anyway.  

    #6. Look for Real Photos from Other People. If Mr. or Ms. Wonderful shows up looking nothing like their on-line profile, ask yourself this: If he/she lies about this, what else will they lie about? If you ignore their first lie, they will feel perfectly free to go on lying to you. So don't be fooled. 

    #7. See Online Dating as Advertising. In today's online world, there's nothing wrong with recognizing that electronically you may have to advertise yourself. But don't fool yourself into thinking the ways you charm your mother will charm anyone else. Package yourself--but be original if you can. Study other people's profiles and find something unique or interesting that makes you unique if you can.

    #8. Look for Cracks Early on--It will Save you Heartache Later. Potential dates who downplay their partner’s addictions to drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, or anything else major are a BIG RED FLAG. It takes several years to get over addictive behavior so anyone who says they're fresh out of rehab or they've been sober for only a few months or weeks is not good material for dating.

    #9. Avoid Serial Break-Up Artists. Take a dating history--and don't be afraid to do it. People who share they've had multiple, broken marriages and relationships WITHOUT any self-growth or counseling in between, will repeat the same dysfunctions with you. Relationships take maturity--and it takes quite a while for some of us to grow up.

    #10. Don't Be Afraid to Say It's Not a Fit. Some of us are so grateful to even have a date, we drag out relations with incompatible partners for much longer than makes sense. Let go and move on. Being single is often a sign of mature, self-reliance and a lack of co-dependence. Take your time. Choose wisely. And hopefully your new relationships will look more like the couple on the right.

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